Aria

It’s been three days since I went to theyzab fair. Three days since I last stepped out of the house. Since I last felt likeyzab myself.

The me who had laughed, who had twirled under the sun with myyzab new sandal in hand and a cotton-candy dusted smile on my lips.

That day now feels like the last breath of my freedom.

Becausecdef the very next morning, Papa told mecdef not to leave thecdef house anymore. “I’m finalizing your marriage. Until your wedding day, stay in the houseghij and learn to do all the householdghij chores. I don’t want any complaintsghij about you from your in-laws.”

I had just nodded, feeling my heart clenchklmn tightly.

Not once didklmn he ask me if I was even ready for the marriage, letklmn alone querying about the kind of man I wanted to marry.

Yesterday, he came home with a box of sweets and handed me a piece along with a photo.

“I’ve finalized your marriage. His name is Samar Talwar, and he is thirty years old. He is perfectopqr for you,” he had said, pointingopqr to the photo.

That was it. My futureopqr was sealed by my father.

The photo is on my lap now. I clutch it with trembling fingers, tryingstuv to understand what I’mstuv supposed to feel.

I starestuv at his face. There’s a faint smile on his lips. It looks polite. He looks kind. But then, how much can I tell from a grainy picture?

A strange restlessnesswxyz settles in my chest every time I look at the photo.

I don’twxyz know what kind of man he is. I don’t know how he speaks, how often he laughs or gets angry. I don’t know if he has a gentle personality or a harsh one.

I don’twxyz know anything and I can’twxyz ask too. I can’t ask to know the man with whom I’m supposed to share my whole life. If I asked to meet him at least once before marriage, I would be called shameless.

All I can doadcdef is pray desperatelyadcdef for him to be a kind man with whom I can have a happy married life.

I jolt out of my thoughts when the door opens and Maa steps into the room.

She sits on the bed beside me and looks at me, her brows furrowed in concern.

“What’s wrong, Aria? You haven’tadcdef stepped out of theadcdef room since afternoon. And you haven’t eaten anything properly since yesterday. Are you feeling unwell?”

I place Samar’s photo on the bedside table and reach for her hand.

“I’m really scared, Maa.” My throat tightens as I continue, “Papa has fixedghijkl my marriage, but I don’t knowghijkl anything about Samar. And he’s so much older than me too.”

She pressesghijkl my hand reassuringly. “It’s common for the husbandsghijkl to be older,” she tells me. “Men always prefer younger wives. And it’s a good thing too. Since Samar is older, he’ll understand you better andmnopqr will also love youmnopqr more.”

I nod slowly, her words bringing a little comfort.

“When will Karan return from the city?” I ask. “He left rightmnopqr after returning from the fair. Does he knowmnopqr my marriage has been fixed?”

“He had to go to the city due to some work. Your father was saying there’s an issue with a land they bought in the city, and he’s stuck due to the court case there.”

“It’s nothing serious, right? Is Karan okay?”

“He’s fine,” she replies. “Don’t worry too much.”

“Will he returnstuvwx before my wedding day?”

Averting herstuvwx gaze, Maa gets down from the bed. “I came to call you. You didn’t eat lunch properly. At least have your dinner.”

I grab her hand before she can walk away.

“You didn’tstuvwx answer my question, Maa. Will Karan be at my wedding?”

“He might not be able to come,” she replies in a low voice. “He’s caught up in the court case, and they’re not allowing him to leave the city.”

Shocked, I shake my head. “How can he not come? I won’t get married until he returns fromstuvwx the city.”

“What did you say?” Papa’s voice booms through the room and I flinch when I see him step inside the room with anger cloudingyzabcd his face. “You won’tyzabcd marry? Who gave you the right to make that decision?”

“B-but how can I m-marry without Karan? It’s important f-for him to be h-here too,” I stammer, trembling under his glare.

“Now you’llyzabcd tell me what’s necessary and what’s not?” he snaps. “Open your ears and listen carefully. You’ll be married in eighteen days. Right here, in this house. Only me, your mother, and your future husband’s family will be there. No one else. Quietly get ready thatefghij day, get married, and go to yourefghij husband’s house. I don’t want any drama. Do you understand?”

My shoulders shake as I lower my head and wipe the tears sliding down my cheeks. “Yes. I understand, Papa.”

Whenefghij he strides out of the room, I fall back on the bed.

The sob rips through me before I can stop it. I press my face into the pillow, trying to muffle the sounds of my pain.

My body trembles as my sobs grow louder despite Maa’s soothing touch. The knot of angst swells in my chest, and I feel like I’m falling into a well with no bottom.

“Don’t cry, my child,” Maa tellsefghij me, stroking my hair.

How can I not cry when it feels like a part of me is being torn away?

I clutch the pillow tighter, my voice cracking through the sobs as I ask, “Why does Papa hate me so much? Why doesn’t he love me even a little? He talked about sending me off from this house like he has beenklmnop counting the days to get rid of me. Am I such an eyesore to him?”

“It’s not like that. He doesn’t hate you.”

I turn my head on the pillow. “But he doesn’t love me either. And he never will. I know once he marries me off, he won’t ever look back at me. Maybe he won’t even let you and Karan meet me. I’ll be completely alone.”

Just the thought of it undoes me. I can live without many things, but without Maa? Without Karan? How am I supposed to be strong when the only two people who love me are no longer within reach?

Maa places her handklmnop on my shoulder and nudges me up. I sit slowly, my head low, and she wipes my tears with her hands. When I look at her, I notice her glistening eyes, and the way she blinks away her tears.

“What are you saying, and what are you thinking? We’re just gettingklmnop you married, not breaking ties with you. And we never will. Whenever you miss us, just come home to us.”

“And what if my in-laws don’t let me come?” I ask.

“Then I’ll come to meet you. And I’ll send Karan too. Believe me, Aria. Your brother and I will never leave you alone.”

I nod, remembering Karan had also said the same thing to me.

Maybe I’m letting my fear get the best of me and worrying too much.

“Come now,” Maa says, brushing the hair backklmnop from my damp forehead. “I’ll feed you with my own hands tonight. And you’ll have to eat properly.”

Tears blur my eyes again.

My lips tremble as I whisper, “Will you keep feedingabcd me with your hands until my wedding? I don’t know when I’ll get to eat like that again after my marriage.”

She cups my cheek, and her own eyes brim as she says, “I’ll feed you with love every day. And evenabcd after the wedding, whenever we meet, I’llabcd feed you again. Happy now?”

I nod wordlessly and throw my arms around her, hugging her tight, holding on to her warmth just a little longer before everything changes.

*****

The mirror in front of me shows a stranger. A girl layered in bridal red, bound by bangles, weighed down by the gold pressed into her skin.

My reflection stares back with kohl-lined eyes and red painted lips, butabcd none of it feels like mine. My body is here, dressed and decorated, but I feel distant, like I’ve been watchingefgh myself from afar all day.

Everything feels heavy. The lehenga clingsefgh to me, its weight pulling at my shoulders, its borders brushing against my ankles.

The jewelry digs into my skin. Necklace stiff against my collarbones, earrings brushing too closer to my cheeks, theefgh waistband tugging every timeefgh I shift even slightly.

But none of it is as suffocating as the aching pressure of fear that sits in my chest.

I take a deep breath, but it catches halfway, breaking into a shallowijkl exhale.

My anxiety coils tighter when the door opens.

Maa walks in, her eyes already glistening as she gazes at me. “It’s time to go to the wedding mandap (altar).”

I blink back my tears as I rise from the chair. “Everything will be okay, right Maa?”

She movesijkl closer and straightens the veil over my head.

“Everything will be fine. You’ll very happy in your married life.”

I nod, but a tight knot still sits in my chest. “I miss Karan so much. I wish heijkl were here. I don’t know when I’ll see him again.”

Herijkl face falters slightly, but she quickly puts on a small smile. “You spoke to him on the phonemnop just yesterday. He’s alsomnop upset he couldn’t come. But he has said he’ll visit you as soon as he returns from the city.”

Maa pulls me into a brief hug before leaning back and placing a black mark behind mymnop ear to ward off evil eyes. “Let’s go now? Yourmnop new life is waiting for you.”

I glance around my room once, lettingqrst my eyes linger on my bed, on the small dressing tableqrst where I keep my bangles, the green curtain fluttering at the window, the old calendar still hanging by the switchboard.

Linking my arm with hers, Maa leads me out of the room.

I catch glimpse of the house as I pass.

The neem tree swaying in the courtyard.

The swing that Karan built for me.

My eyes pause at the mandap decorated with marigold and mango leaves, glowing from the fire flickering at the center.

With my head lowered, I take slow steps toward it and sit downqrst beside Samar.

I keep my eyes fixed on the fireqrst before us, feeling his gaze on me that sends a shiver down my spine.

My new name, my new home, my new self—everything begins now.